01 February 2011 @ 07:53 pm
Always sunny in California  
There is a new Lunargyros page up today. Also, as we are starting February, this means it is the start of Double Update Month again! More updates on Friday!

Been working a bunch this week, but it's all Stuff That I Can't Share. I wish I could work on more Stuff I Can Share, but the Stuff That I Can't Share has to come first. I know I'm waaaay behind on reindeer story, for one.

Guess I should go ahead and go into why I've been really down a lot lately...


A lot of you already know some of this, but yeah, still worried about finding permanent job things. That's not changed quite that much. But mostly, I'm really worried out my dog.

I've posted watercolors and drawings of Sunshine here and before. But as it is, she's very old now...almost 12 and a half, which is on the old end for a lab, and she's really starting to show her age. She's having a lot of trouble walking since she has arthritis in her legs and back (it's always been a bit tough on her, but she's been exceptionally worse since she got bit by that rattlesnake.) We used to walk her all the way across the street and up the hill twice a day, now we can barely get her across the driveway. She can't (or won't) chew her food; we're having trouble finding some food for her that she'll eat without it kind of slopping everywhere. She still loves to be around people 24/7, but she's more lethargic these days.

And of course all this is leading up to the knowledge that, sooner or later, she'll just get too old and we'll have to put her to sleep. We probably will when she can no longer walk or eat, or if she gets immensely sick. And to be honest, I just can't bear to think about it. It makes me burst into tears whenever I do. I've honestly been crying more this month than I have, like...the entire previous year, trying not to think about it and failing all the time.

And I know that it's just a part of life, that you have to let go of pets sometime, and that it's infinitely better to let her die peacefully than make her suffer. But you guys have to understand...I'm 26, and I've never really lost someone close to me before. With family members, I've only had two great-grandparents die. All my grandparents are still alive (although I'm preparing for it with my grandpa, since he's in the late stages of Alzheimers...kind of the big reason I've been doing more with my grandma lately.) I've never had a really close friend die. When I was a little kid, the only pets we had were fish and hermit crabs. I've never really dealt with death on a personal level, and I...don't know how I'm going to deal with it when it comes. The thought of it just upsets me so much. It's all amplified by my family because they're just as worried/upset as I am.

So...yeah. Sorry for the depressing stuff, but I can't really escape it, and I know it's just going to get worse before it gets better.


Drawing: Movie studies, a site design and a logo design, commish, whatever else I can do

Writing: Trying to get stuff in, mostly just some RP
 
 
Current Mood: working
Current Location: Lynxland
Current Music: Dom & Elijah - Half Fling
 
 
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[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 04:20 am (UTC)
i've been down in the dumps myself, but your reasons a lot more valid than mine

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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:31 am (UTC)
I don't think anyone needs a "valid" reason to be down in the dumps, but still: *offers hugs of sympathy*
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[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:45 am (UTC)
Oh, no, you use those hugs on yourself. You'll need them more than I do to get through the next stage of whatever is coming <3
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[identity profile] lazzchan.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 04:24 am (UTC)
*hugs you tightly*

I liked Sunshine when I saw her; she was a very sweet doggy. D: I'm sorry she's sick,dear.It's super hard losing a member of your family like that, because no matter what anyone says, pets are family and are as dear.
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:33 am (UTC)
*returns hugs*

Yeah, she still always loves people. :< And yeah, I find it kind of weird that I care about losing my dog than a human member of my family, but I guess she's been a lot closer to me...
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[identity profile] dorkage.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 04:43 am (UTC)
I'm here to lend an ear if you need it, anytime, okay?

It's always better to focus on the good memories than the bad-- and sometimes it's hard to do that, when you're watching someone you care about hurting. I can empathize on that end, so if you just wanna talk, lemme know. <3

My favorite thing about meeting Sunshine was discovering how she's the best snorer I've ever met. c:
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:37 am (UTC)
Sure, thank you. <3

Yeah, that's the part I'm having a tough time with...I want to focus on happy memories, but I just see her hurting whenever she walks and it's hard. :(

She is still the biggest snorer ever!
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[identity profile] bouncy-erbear.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 04:50 am (UTC)
I have dealt with personal loss before, not really with a pet (although I have to say, I do end up getting a little teary when I find one of my fish floating in the water) but certainly with family members. It is SUPER hard and I wish there was a way I could help you get through it but the only way I can is just to be here and support you. Everyone deals with these things differently. I know my mom and sister who have both lost precious pets before have had difficult times dealing with it.

All I can tell you is what dorkage said, remember the good memories and focus on that. She's old but she's not gone yet and you should enjoy the time you have.

If you ever wanna talk to me about it I'm here for you.
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:44 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's been awhile since I've had fish or hermit crabs, but I remember being teary when our crabs died (hermit crabs have a surprising amount of charm and personality, even if they look pinchy!)

But I really appreciate the support. <3
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[identity profile] odd-on-purpose.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 05:06 am (UTC)
I've lost both people close to me and family pets, and both experiences really suck. Even so, I cry even thinking about the fact that my perfectly healthy pet will someday die. Grief sucks hard and there's no way around that, but I hope you will be able to enjoy your final period of time with Sunshine, however long it is
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 06:48 am (UTC)
Yeah, I guess there's really no way to get around the fact that mourning sucks a lot. I want to try and be happy with my last memories, too...
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thank you for being born[personal profile] astronomia on February 2nd, 2011 08:52 am (UTC)
I've lost two dogs that meant the world to me. It was really hard on me. I've been making a little necklace though with a tiny bottle on it to put some of their ashes in. I guess it's a little morbid but that way I can feel like I'm still with them. I tend to be overly emotional and sentimental though, too. I don't know if you can do something like that when the time comes.

But until then, just cherish it? Easier said than done, I know. But I know Sunshine will appreciate all the love and you will, too.
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
Hey, if you feel like it brings you closer to them, I don't think there's any harm in it, especially if it's a real person thing. And I dunno, either...again, haven't dealt with that sort of thing really closely before.

Yeah I hope so. <3
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[identity profile] kawaiigami.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 02:28 pm (UTC)
*hugs for both you and Sunshine* *pets for Sunshine*

I say grieve in whatever way helps you cope you with the loss. It's a different process for everyone As others have said, though, Sunshine is still here, and I think remembering that and giving her lots of love during the time you have left is important, too.
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
*huggles*

Yeah, I guess all I can do is get there when I get there. And give love in the meanwhile.
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[identity profile] katsuno-hitomi.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 03:48 pm (UTC)
I totally feel your pain. My first dog, Sally, was about the same age when we had to put her to sleep, older than my brother at the time. She was a lab/Dalmatian mix, and she was very much like Sunshine in personality. She was actually an early Christmas present when I was seven. I had been nagging on my parents to get a pet that wasn't a goldfish for a while. Then someone brought Sally through Mom's pharmacy drive-thru window, and she fell in love.

The day she died, I was at a church activity. Dad came and said that they were taking her to the emergency vet. I was shocked and forsook the activity to be with my dog in her final hours. Mom said that she thought it was a stroke Sally was having, and certainly the symptoms we could see verified it. The vet on duty tried to sugar-coat the situation, but we knew it was time. My only regret about that day was that I wasn't there to see her die. I gave her one last hug and went out of the room to cry my eyes out.

I still miss her, even though it's been almost three years since that day. Heck, I'm crying as type this. But you know what? I'm rather happy that she's not in pain anymore. I'm happy that she got to die surrounded by people who loved her, especially considering that she was found in a lettuce crate behind a restaurant.

Will you cry when Sunshine's time finally comes? I don't doubt it. Will the hurt stay around forever? No. Will you miss her? Absolutely.

What really helped me through Sally's death were my own religious beliefs. I'm a Mormon, and as such, I believe in an afterlife. What many folks don't know, is that Joseph Smith recieved revelation on the matter of animals in the afterlife as part of a larger revelation clarifying some stuff in the Bible. It mentions that animals enjoy an "eternal felicity" in heaven when they pass on. That really helped me in the grieving process, to know that Sally was happy where she was now. It also gives me extra motivation to get to heaven myself so that I can be with her again.

Until then, I have Joey, our Shih-Tzu/Poodle mix that we got about a year and a half ago. He's a totally different dog from Sally, but we love him no less. He hasn't replaced Sally's place in our hearts; we just made a new place in our hearts just for him.

My advice on when Sunshine dies: allow time for yourself to mourn. Focus on all the good memories you had with her and know that she will miss you as much as you miss her.
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:40 am (UTC)
Heh coincidence, we actually got Sunshine as a Christmas present, too. XD My brothers and hi had been asking for a dog since we never had one as kids (we sometimes babysat friends' dogs), but dad said that we couldn't afford one. And then at that Christmas...bam, little puppy under the tree and tons of things for the puppy. Best Christmas ever.

Gah *shares tissues!* (Although I've been doing the same...)

Yeah, I need to be sure to do all that.
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[identity profile] fairytaledreams.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 05:31 pm (UTC)
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:40 am (UTC)
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[identity profile] betwixt-worlds.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2011 05:56 pm (UTC)

*HUGS YOU A LOT*

Dland? Just you and me? Soonish?
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[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:47 am (UTC)
*BIG HUUUUGS*

Yeah, that would be really great, actually. |D Will have to give me your schedule.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on December 24th, 2011 03:25 pm (UTC)
[identity profile] lynxgriffin.livejournal.com on February 3rd, 2011 02:50 am (UTC)
*HUGGED*

Aw man, that's hard. :( *hugs again* I'm actually also worried for my little brothers...they're both out of state right now, and if she died before the summer, they wouldn't get to say goodbye, either.

Thank you for all the support <3
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