That's right, it's time for another puppet-less mini puppet theatre! Of course Robinson Crusoe deserved a bit of parodying, and it's looking like Rousseau's Confessions is shaping up for some parodying as well. Geh, that guy is arrogant...

Anyways, on with the show! There will be lots of talk of real life stuff afterwards, as there is naturally...

~~~~~ Robinson Crusoe ~~~~~

Robinson: I have the most interesting story EVAR!

Readers: Pffft, we've heard that one before...

Robinson: I should have listened to my father and stayed home and became and lawyer! Instead my wandering ways landed me in serious peril.

Mr. Crusoe: Son, don't be an idiot. Stay home and be a lawyer.

Robinson: Screw you, I'm going to go immitate Jack Sparrow.

Storm: BOOMRUMBLEWAVECRASH

Robinson: I regret everything!

Sailor: Dude, that was nothing, wussy.

Robinson: I should have gone home them, too! But still I longed for adventure and the ocean spray and all that other heroic stuff.

Pirates: We are pirates! You will be our slaves now.

Robinson: And so, I was a pirate's slave for a few years. But at least I was a good slave!

Pirate: You're such a good slave, I'm going to let you venture out on this raft with a lot of supplies to catch me fish while I'm away for a week and trust you not to run away.

Robinson: Sucker!

Robinson: There's not enough room on this raft for three slaves! *SHOVE*

Slave: BLUBBURBLEBURBLE

Xury: Thank goodness I wasn't thrown over!

Robinson: Now we're perusing the African coast. And I am hugely afraid of cannibals and wild animals...mostly because they're not English.

Lion/Tiger/Hippo/Thing: YAR! We're scary!

Robinson: I shoot you in the head, scary wild-animal-thing that I'm never able to identify!

Lion/Tiger/Hippo/Thing: Owie.

Xury: Yay! Robinson is the awesomest awesome because he has a big English gun!

Natives: We're nice cannibals! Here's our never-ending gratitude for killing the big scary clawed wild animals.

Robinson: Yeah, you guys are cool, but I still want to be rescued.

Captain: Surprise! I rescue you!

Robinson: You are my HEEEERO. I'm going to go on for three pages on how cool you are because you rescued me and gave me lots of stuff!

Captain: Don't mention it.

Robinson: I probably should have gone home, too. But instead I went to Brasil.

Robinson: Wow, these newfangled plantations are neat! I gotta get me one of these.

Robinson: Now that I have my newfangled plantation, I'm rather bored and lonely. I should go on this expedition to the Caribbean islands to get me some new slaves.

Robinson: But that was a BIG MISTAKE!

Storm: PELTERWASHBASHBAROOOM

Unexpected Shoal: Ha-HA!

Ship: AIIIIIEEEEEEE

Crew: *DIES*

Robinson: So I was washed ashore on a (seemingly deserted) tropical island. It was really quite awful. I wailed and lamented and rent my clothes and gnashed my teeth.

God: Oh, please.

Robinson: But! Luckily, the wrecked ship was nearby, and I was able to salvage for myself wine, rum, barley, corn, clothes, shoes, gunpowder, tobacco, tools, money, weapons, and basically anything and everything I possibly needed.

Readers: Geez, even Tom Hanks didn't get that much.

Robinson: Thankfully, there were no wild animals on the island, except for goats! I was able to catch them and breed them and get milk and cheese from them.

Readers: Goatsmilk 24/7? Ewww....

Robinson: Also, I accidentally planted corn and barley, and grew myself a crop every year!

Readers: WTF? *Barley* in a tropical climate?

Robinson: I also made myself a cave home, a fence, a ladder and pottery!

Readers: Why not just make yourself a stupid boat?

Robinson: Because there might be cannibals out there. I'm deathly afraid of them, you see.

Robinson: However, despite all this, I still was not truly thankful to God for basically giving me all the comforts of modern life on this island. Until one day, when I got so sick I went insane and had a terrible nightmare!

Nightmare Angel: Robinson, you suck. You should thank God for saving you after you were such an idiot.

Robinson: Ack, God's right! I've been a complete idiot!

Robinson: So from them on, I read my Bible carefully every day and was a very very devout little protestant Englishman.

Robinson: Best of all, I was king of all I saw! None dared oppose me! Wha-hahahahahahahaha!

Footprint: *SHATTERS INNOCENCE*

Robinson: YIKES, a random barefoot print! That can only mean cannibals! Guess I'll spend the next three years hiding in my cave with a loaded gun, wimpering.

Cannibals: Psh, we were on this island all along. You just got lucky the past 20-something years.

Robinson: Cannibals fill me with righteous anger! I should just go and shoot them all right now.

Robinson: ...Except I've already been enough of a moron this decade. Maybe I'll wait and see what they do.

Friday: I look so terribly pathetic tied up here. I hope some brave Englishman with a gun comes along and saves me and makes me his loyal slave.

Robinson: Tally-ho!

Friday: I worship the ground you walk on!

Robinson: Sweetness.

Robinson: Like any sensible Englishman, I shall instruct my uke Friday in the ways of protestantism, goat-eating, and how to talk the English good.

Friday: Because God forbid he try to learn *my* language.

Friday: By the way, what does "uke" mean?

Robinson: It means you bend over and take it...in more ways than one.

Readers: *SHUDDER*

Cannibals: After not bothering Robinson for nearly 30 years, suddenly we're all over the place.

Robinson: Let's sneak attack them with guns, because if there's one thing we Englishmen are, it's fair in battle.

Cannibals: Run away! Run away!

Random Spaniard: You saved me! Yay!

Friday's Dad: You also saved me! And Friday is with you...wow, small world.

Robinson: I've now got a general posse of subjects that are completely loyal to me! This is looking better and better.

Thugs: We're some bad ol' mutineers presenting yet another opportunity for Robinson to gain some life-indebted slaves.

Robinson: *ELABORATE RESCUE PLAN*

Captain: You've saved me and my loyal crew, and helped to punish the mutineers! How can I ever repay you?

Robinson: Let me have control of the ship that rightfully belongs to you so I can take it wherever and however I want.

Captain: Sounds fair to me.

Robinson: I'm finally leaving behind my glorious island after 40 years, give or take! Here, the living mutineers can use the houses I built to live in.

Mutineers: Thanks...we think...

Robinson: We then sailed back to England, where everyone got a big kick out of the fact that I was not, in fact, dead. And Friday went with me all over the place, because he was that kind of sucker.

Friday: My Master can do no wrong!

Robinson: I since I now just happened to be filthy rich, I gave away most of my money to any family I had left alive and that cool captain that saved me towards the beginning of the book.

Captain: Thanks!

Robinson: And yet, despite all this, I still couldn't settle down! So I went to France with Friday and a crew of friends and attempted to cross a huge mountain range in the dead of winter.

Guide: Don't worry, I'll get you through these moutai--AAAAAAHHH, wolf attack!

Wolves: Hey neat, this is back before we almost went extinct.

Robinson: And of course, years and years of living by myself on a tropical island completely prepared me for wolf attacks.

Kiba: Rakuen or bust, human scum!

Robinson: Ha-ha! You are no match for our mighty English guns!

Kiba: Curse you, British Imperialism!

Friday: Also...I tormented a bear!

Bear: You all suck! I'm calling PETA...

Townspeople: Wow! Everyone else gotten eaten by wolves...how did your group make it?

Robinson: Because Providence smiles on me and my protestant English-ness.

Friday: What lessons have we learned from your harrowing adventures?

Robinson: Guns are your friends! They kill Spaniards, cannibals and wolves.

Robinson: Also, always listen to your parents and attend Sunday School...otherwise viscious tigers and fierce savages will try to devour your internal organs.

~~~~~ The End ~~~~~

And there you have it...not as good as I would've liked, but there are a few fun lines. At least this book was a lot easier to get through than Paradise Lost...and at least Defoe had a better concept of finishing a sentence.

Wow...I could say lots about last weekend and such, but I'm starving and need to go eat lunch. Maybe in another post...

Operator status: Not half bad. Turns out class was cancelled today...again... o_O

Maya PLE comprehension status: 24% Once there was a happy little group of polygons...

Macromedia Studio comprehension status: 33% Haven't really learned anything new, except how to copy/paste my hand off.

Website Reconstruction status: 30% Wow...I've gotten done a LOT of work! More details on it later...

Drawing: More pages of Lunargyros (when will inking begin?) And will hopefully be able to do more on KH fanart this weekend.

Writing: My guess? An essay for Great Books and more screenplay...never a weekend off...