So, after thinking about this a lot...I think I am going to do the GNOMON program. My other two Big Plans (Nickelodeon and possibly a comics publishing gig) don't seem to be panning out. Which leaves me with this one; the place I sent my portfolio and was told "we loved it." Kind of shocks me, considering I didn't think what I put in it was exactly what they were looking for. Hell, I even included some KH fanarts that I liked. o_o

So I think I will. I'm not a complete 100% certain yet, though. At the moment, I'm just struggling trying to figure out financial aid, since they want that settle AY ESS AY PEE and all, and I've never filled out FAFSA before. D: I'm still waiting for my PIN at this point. And I'm kind of going a little crazy 'cause I don't have most (read: pretty much all) of my tax info, and calling the IRS today only gleaned me a bit of information, and it's hard to get in contact with my parents on where their forms are since they're overseas and asdjskafjakldjfakjdflak *explode* I loathe this kind of stuff and want it done and out of the way and burned. I really don't know if I can get it done on time, but I'm working as hard as I can to find all the info...

That aside, trying to get all this money junk together may not be what freaks me the most. I guess mostly I'm scared of the lifestyle changes that would be involved. I actually have to prove that I am serious, that I want to be professional, and can't just write stuff off I draw as "for fun" or even "for practice" all the time.

I'm afraid I won't have as much time for my friends if I'm working so much at this. I really love my friends, and I feel like if I'm spending so much time at the school I won't get to see them as much. I spend so little time as it is...

And, as shallow as this may sound, I'll miss my fandom time. I love my online friends, too, and I love talking fandom and doing fandom-y things like my fic and art. And I just wouldn't have as much time for them anymore, and that thought saddens me.

I wouldn't have the same artistic advantage I'm so used to in schools. 3D doesn't come intuitively to me like putting a pencil to paper does...I just wasn't born with a programmer's brain. So I'd have to actually work at learning the programs and not just trust my instincts to let me coast through. Not only that, but it takes practice...I know I've already forgotten a bunch of the stuff I learned in that intro class, and that was just about a month ago.

I think part of this also stems from some deep-seeded unwillingness to learn because, in the back of my brain, I see 3D as somehow opposed to 2D...like if I were learning 3D, I'd be "selling out" or somehow "betraying" my love of 2D art. Maybe this is stems from some bitterness at the industry itself, because I have such nostalgia and respect for oldschool animation, and now it's been pretty much overshadowed by 3D in every aspect. There's almost no jobs in 2D now, while there are TONS of 3D jobs, (especially in gaming, which is still a fast-growing industry) and a lot of those jobs actually pay pretty well. But the oldschool artist in me screams "No! 3D isn't art! You're not supposed to make a real LIVING off of art! You're supposed to slave over pages and pages all day just for the love of it until your fingers fall off from overuse!"
Although when I stop and think about it logically, it's not really like that. Maya is just a tool used to create something, not an actual end in of itself. It's no more different than arguing that you should use acrylics instead of Photoshop to paint something because Photoshop isn't "real art." In the end, it's all just different ways of doing the same thing. There are brilliant 3D movies and crummy 3D movies, just the same as there are brilliant 2D movies and crummy 2D movies. But I do hope someday the industry will realize this and start making movies not based on what the medium is, but what the story is.
So I guess part of it is also me trying to overcome this stigma I have against 3D animation and realizing that it's just as valid as 2D.

And also, I'd feel really under pressure to make sure I did get a job in the industry out of the program. With that much money being put into it, and that good of an instruction, if I don't make something out of it, the blame pretty much falls on me.

Buuut at the same time...the more I think about it, the more I think I might enjoy it. I was playing FFXII on Friday (after bawling my eyes out for an hour or two and needing to shut off my brain) and just suddenly thought how extremely cool it would be to design and model monsters for a video game. I've always loved creature design. Or to animate a character for Disney? Ever since I was four I've told my parents I wanted to work for Disney. But once the industry switched over the 3D entirely I kinda "gave up" on it and found a lot of interest in comics. And I always will love comics, but why does this mean I have to give up entirely on animating at Disney?

I don't want to end up being a Snoggy. I don't want to limit myself on what kinds of art I can do just because it's "too hard" or "not my forte" or "I don't have a programmer's brain." If I learn how to use Maya the same I do pencil on paper, it's not like I'll suddenly stop knowing how to draw by hand...I'll just be expanding my skills, and therefore my opportunities for work.

I just checked the schedule, and it's not like it's 21 straight months, either...there's about a three-week break inbetween each term.

That, and it's not like the program only teaches 3D animation. The course is almost half composed of stuff like 2D animation, storyboarding and history and principles of animation; all of which is stuff I'm really interested in.

So, with all of that...I think I will. I'm still freaked out to death about the finances and life changes and aaaagdksjfl, but I think if I don't I'd regret it later in life.
Assuming I can get this FAFSA stuff sorted out ARGH.

That, and it'd get me out of this receptionist job with the sucky pay. :P


Ugh, my car is in the shop, and I found it it'll cost me my parents almost $800 in repairs. Ewwwwwwww. DX I hate cars.

A post with happier things from this weekend will probably come later...

Drawing: I'm feeling distracted, but I'm going to try and work on the doujin right now.

Writing: Not much.